


and i've lost who i am

by wolfsbanex



Category: City of Bones, Shadowhunters, The Mortal Instruments, cassandra clare - Fandom, malec - Fandom, shadowhunterstv
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morning Star, Protective!Magnus, S01E13, Sacrifice, alternative episode, light fluff, sad!Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7116016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfsbanex/pseuds/wolfsbanex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>( set in episode 13 - morning star )</p><p>What if Magnus was the one who got taken away by Valentine and not Jace?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE!
> 
> • enjoy!

Magnus and Alec were brought into the room, seraph blades to their neck. Alec was struggeling to break free, but the circle member that held the blade to Magnus' neck laughed. "If you try anything shadowhunter, you're pretty little pet warlock will choke on his own blood." Alec glanced at Magnus. He just nodded. "It's okay Alec", Magnus said, trying to smile. 

Alec froze when he saw Jace. He held his blade in front of his body, Valentine smiling at him. "I want you to join me my son. Or your pretty little friends are going to die." Alec felt panic. Clary was tearing up. "No, Jace!" Jace looked at Alec. "Alec?" "Yes, i am here Jace i am here don't worry." Valentine grabbed Alec and pushed him to the ground. Jace shoved Valentine away. "Don't touch him." 

Valentine didn't seemed to be very impressed. Magnus could see the panic in Alecs eyes. Jace took a deep breath in. "If you promise me you won't hurt them, i am coming with you." "No! Jace! Valentine is wrong, you're not like him." Clary. Alec felt his heart racing. "Jace, you can't do that to me, please." Valentine held Jace. Then Magnus took a step forward, blue sparks of magic dancing around his fingertips.

One of the circle members quickly ran and grabbed Magnus by the throat, choking him. Alec wiggled around, trying to get to Magnus. "No! Don't touch him! Get away from him; Jace help!" Jace looked into Alecs pleading eyes and sprinted over, pulling the circle member away from the warlock. 

Now more members stepped forward, when Magnus stopped them. "Let Jace go." He could see how the thought of losing Jace affected Alec in the worst way possible. "Why should we?" asked Valentine and looked at Magnus. "Take me for him. I would be useful, i mean, i have magic." Alecs heart stopped. "Magnus no...", Magnus sadly smiled at him. "It's okay Alec, it's okay." "The warlock is right. Take him." Circle members grabbed Magnus. "Let me talk to Alec one last time." he told them.

Magnus cupped Alecs cheek gently. "Be safe, promise me you won't try to find me." Alec felt tears building up behind his eyes. "Magnus please don't go, please don't. Don't leave me, i can't do this without you." Magnus heart broke. He brushed the hair out of Alecs face. Then he kissed him. It was warm, loving and familiar. And a goodbye. Alec knew that. Then Magnus was pulled away from him. "No!" Alec heard a scream, not realizing it was himself. "I love you." The warlock smiled. "I love you too." Then Magnus disappeared through a portal.

Alecs arms were released. He sprinted to the portal, ready to jump through, but Jace grabbed him and hugged the shaking boy to his chest. "Don't Alec, please." Clary, Izzy, Jace and even Simon held him while he cried.

When they were back at the institute, Maryse hugged Jace closely. "Where is the warlock?" she spat. Tears fell down Alecs face. "He's gone, he sacrificed himself for Jace. For everyone here you unthankful..." Izzy pulled Alec away in his room. Alec felt numb. "We will find him Alec, i promise." Alec thought about Magnus, his eyes, his smile, the glitter he loved so much. The kiss. The warm feeling of his lips against Alecs. His face hardened. "Yes. We will."


	2. and i can't understand, why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because i got asked a lot, i'll add a few chapters to this!
> 
> Jace and Izzy have a hard time comforting Alec,  
> Alec is desperate,  
> Clary actually is helping for once
> 
> and Magnus is still with Valentine.

Alec stared at the monitors. He went through everyone of them, looking for Magnus. This is what he did since the night three weeks ago when Magnus vanished together with Valentine. He was desperate and he could feel his eyes burn, but he wouldn't stop. He had to find him.

_It almost felt, like he was dead inside._

"Alec." he turned around, finding his sister. "Hey Iz", he ran his fingers through his hair. "You okay?" she asked quietly. "I'm fine." but Izzy could see how he was lying. He had dark bags under his eyes, his face looked small and his eyes weren't sparkeling anymore. "Alec, we will find him, please..." Alec hugged her closely. "I know Izzy, i know. It's just," he stopped. "I miss him." Jace came around the corner and looked at his parabatai, his smile falling. He sighed and decided to find Clary. She was outside, her sketchbook on her knees. She was drawing Magnus and Alec. "Don't let him see that." Clary smiled sadly and closed the book. "He just won't give up finding him, huh?" Jace shook his head and gently layed an arm around her shoulder. "We have to do something Clary, he...i never saw him like that. It seems like he is slowly fading away and falling apart and i can't do anything about it." Clary interwined their fingers. "Maybe we should go and talk to Luke and his pack? maybe they can track Magnus." her eyes lit up. In all the chaos they haven't thought about that. Jace smiled and stood up. "You are amazing! Come on!" then they ran.

Alec was wandering through the dark streets of Brooklyn. His feet brought him to Magnus' apartment. He opened the door, stepping inside. His heart dropped. It was empty. of course. But somehow he hoped to find Magnus sitting in his chair, drinking a cocktail and smiling when he arrived there. Then he would stand up, cup his face softly and their lips would...he squeezed his eyes shut and forced the thoughts out of his head. It hurt. He went into Magnus' bedroom and opened one of the drawers of his big wardrobe. He found one of the shirts Magnus used to wear all the time. Alec carefully picked it up and decided to take it with him. 

Izzy was scared. She couldn't find her brother anywhere. Then the door opened and Alec entered the room. "Hey Iz." she smiled softly. "Where were you Alec?" he went to his bed and placed his bag on it. Then he opened it and took a shirt out. It was deepblue with a bit of glitter in it. It looked like a nightsky. He slipped it on and softly stroked the shirt with his fingers. "Is that...?" Izzy felt tears in her eyes. Alec nodded. "I just...wanted to be..." Izzy just hugged him. "It's okay big brother, it's okay."

Jace and Clary were busy talking with Luke. "Maybe we can find him through his smell." one of the werewolves said. Surprisingly, they were more than willing to help find Magnus. He helped the pack through a lot. Luke nodded. "Do you have anything that belongs to him?" Jace shook his head. "But i know Alec has." Clary explained. "Then let's go to the institute."

Magnus felt pain. Valentine banged his head against a wall. "I should have taken Jace!" he spat. One of the circle members grabbed his arm and pulled him into a little cage. "Enjoy your stay warlock." he grinned. Magnus just closed his eyes and prepared himself for what was to come. He felt something injected into his neck, then he fell on his knees. "Alexander", he mumbled when he looked up. His nephilim was there, smiling down at him. "Yes, i am here baby, it's okay." Alec interwined their fingers. "I won't let go of you again." Alec leaned his head against Magnus' and gently stroked his hand. "Never."

Alec stared at the werewolf. "What?" he hugged Magnus' shirt to his chest. "No, you won't take it. It's the only thing left." Jace got on his knees before Alec. "Parabatai, brother. Trust us, we will give it back, okay?" Alec sighed and gave it to him. "Just because i want Magnus' back." Luke and his pack sniffed the shirt. Then their eyes went green. "I know where he is Alec, he is near. Down by the river." Alec stood up and grabbed his bow. "Let's go then!" he yelled and they all started sprinting out of the institute, surprised eyes following them.

Magnus was pulled out, but he couldn't move. He felt the hard metall of the ship against his back, hurting his skin, making it bleed. Then he saw light. He squeezed his eyes shut. Valentine grinned and grabbed him by his throat. "This warlock!" he yelled, "will now be the first one to show you what'll happen if you don't follow my orders." Magnus eyes stared into the distance. He knew he would die. Right now. He would never see Alec again. That thought hurt more than knowing his end was near. Valentine raised his blade. Magnus closed his eyes. 

Alec and the others stood behind a container when Alec heard it. He looked around the corner carefully. His heart almost stopped beating when he saw a bloody Magnus being dragged over to Valentine and the other circle members. Izzy grabbed Alecs arm. "Don't. Don't just run, we need a plan first." Jace held Alec back. "We need to help him! Now!" "This warlock!" Valentine yelled, "will now be the first one to show you what'll happen if you don't follow my orders." Alec activated a  rune on his arm. Valentine raised the blade. Alec started screaming. Magnus closed his eyes. 

The last thing they heard was a loud scream, bones crushing and a seraph blade falling to the ground.

" **MAGNUS**!"


	3. take me home, to my heart, let me go, i will run, i will not be silent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has Magnus back,  
> fluff is what follows,  
> and stuff you know.

A seraph blade falls to the ground.

" **MAGNUS**!"

Alec held Valentines arm, not letting him swing the blade towards Magnus. "Don't you fucking dare", he said angrily. One of Valentines circle members pulled Alec away, letting him fall to the hard ground. Alec moaned in pain and held his hand under his nose, seeing red drops. 

"Alec", Magnus muttered, looking at him. "Are you okay Mags?" Alec asked and pulled the warlock to him, grabbing his hand. "I won't let them hurt you, i promise." Magnus had tears in his eyes. "I told you not to look for me Alec. I told you to stay away, oh god what have you done?" Alec held his hand tighter. "I couldn't Magnus, i just couldn't." 

"Very heart-warming", Valentine interrupted them, "but i think we aren't done yet. Go away Alexander Lightwood, let us take care of the...downworlder." Alec shook his head, using his body to cover Magnus. "No." Valentine raised his eyebrow. "So he really means something to you, i am impressed young shadowhunter. A shadowhunter and a downworlder in love, that isn't something you get to see everyday. Now go away." "Not so fast!" and suddenly, all the shadowhunters who followed Alec here were there forcing the circle members down. Valentine smirked. "Great surprise Isabelle. Well, not really, i saw your group." Clarys mouth dropped when she yelled Magnus' name. Alec turned around. 

One of the circle members with long, black hair and unbelievably green eyes held the shaking warlock, a seraph blade in his hand. "One step and your little pet warlock is dead." Alec was busy trying to kill this bastard with his eyes. "Why do you want him dead so badly?" he spat at Valentine. "Because you can't seem to see what he does to you. Downworlders are toxic Alec, they get into you and never get out. Just like this one stole your heart and after shattering it, he'll forget about you." Alec shook his head. "No. You just can't seem to see that it doesn't matter if we have demon or angelblood running through our veins. Let him leave." 

Alec distracted Valentine, while Clary and Jace were walking towards him, their blades raised. Then they forced their blades through his body. Valentine fell on his knees, blood pouring out of his body. His arms and legs going numb. He was dead. Alec froze. The circle members were furious, struggeling to break free, but the shadowhunters were stronger. The circle member holding Magnus was still there. "I should kill him!" he spat towards Alec. "Slit his throat and watch while he bleeds out in your arms." Clary and Jace stood behind Alec. "You won't hurt him, our we will kill you." Jace said, grabbing Alecs shoulder. "Let.him.go or i'll kill you all by myself." Alecs eyes were almost black. The circle member just laughed. Then Alec jumped, grabbed him and forced his blade through his head. "Nobody gets to hurt the man i love."

Magnus was laying on the ground. He wasn't moving. The only sound coming from him were the silent moans he made. "Magnus?" Alec crawled over to him, grabbing his hand. "It's okay baby, i got you, you're safe." 

Then everything went black for the warlock.

It was a week since they saved Magnus and the warlock was having terrible nightmares. Alec could hear him screaming his name over and over. Again. He ran into their bedroom, getting under the sheets and hugged him close to his chest. "I have you Magnus, you are okay, i won't let them hurt you." he muttered into his hair, placing soft kissed on his forhead, their fingers interwined. "Alec, they, they had shapeshifters there. I watched you die, Alexander." Magnus sobbed into Alecs shirt. Alec just stroked his boyfriends back softly. "I am alive, you know?" "I had to watch you die everyday." Alec just kissed him gently. "It's okay baby. You know, when you were gone, i realized how much i love you."

Magnus went silent and started listening to the rythm of Alecs heartbeat. "I just, i never want to feel so horrible again, so lonely. What do you think about getting married?" Alec went red. "That came out a bit..." Magnus brought their interwined hands to his lips and kissed them. "Not yet Alec. You know, nobody ever wanted to marry me before." Alec laughed. "I can't believe it." "It's true. I love you." Alec grinned. "So, it's a no then?" "I don't want to mess things up with us Alec. You deserve much more than i can give to you right now. You deserve a nephilim marriage Alexander. I want to reach something. I don't want to marry you if we can't get married in gold." Alec froze. Nobody ever cared about him that much. It almost hurt. "But it's a yes, someday", Magnus whispered, "it's always yes for you Alexander."

and the rest of the night, the two just layed there, completely lost in their own world, forgetting just for one moment what happened a week before.

**Author's Note:**

> • i'd be very thankful for kudos and comments!


End file.
